Bork Bork
by NavigiumIsidis
Summary: Christmas Eve dinner for the Nordics just got interesting. One-shot , completely random. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!


I was expecting some Christmas stories to appear here, but apparently not! So I added my own!

It's short, it's shit, and it's weird as hell.

Hope you have a joyous Christmahanukawanzaayule regardless, and I hope you enjoy my shitty gift to you!

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><p>It has always been customary for the Nordic family to have a hearty feast on Christmas Eve.<p>

Norway had started the tradition long before anyone cared to remember, and it would appear to carry on for centuries to come.

Paying no mind to any war, famine, or plague going on at the time, Norway would open up his home to man and fae alike. From dawn until dusk he baked and cooked anything and everything he could find, and would hand a portion of it over to any soul who ventured to his door. Once the sun fell and the cold Norwegian night took over, he would sit beside his family at his grand wooden table and enjoy the efforts of the day.

Of course nowadays in his prosperous country, Norway has no one coming to his door in need of food and warmth. Rather than throwing his traditions out the door however, he bakes extravagant cakes and pastries for his family to enjoy on their holiday.

Denmark and Sweden no longer fight about who's taller or who's older, but instead are content to chug back glasses of Juleøl and snack on mounds of Småkaker.

Finland, resting up so he can go be Santa Claus at the 12 o'clock chimes of the clock, normally sits down at the table and engages Iceland in a fairly violent game of chess. By the time Finland is able to beat the man at his own game, the sun has already disappeared and Norway has begun setting the table.

This year however, the festivities are put on hold.

Norway, although he is baffled as to how, is almost completely out of Butter.

Butter, of all the things!

Although running from store to store to store, he is unable to amass any substantial amount of the substance.

If Norway has no butter, then Norway has no cake.

If there is no cake, there is no proper Christmas.

And you can't exactly put Christmas on hold for butter.

Denmark, as a sudden health expert, decides that this is a chance for a 'healthy' Christmas.

After being punched by a troll, Denmark appoints Sweden as the years Christmas host.

Sweden accepts (though in a strangely excited manner), and with all parties in agreement, the Nordics head to Sweden's home for a joyous holiday full of buttery cake.

Except upon arrival, there appears to be a slight issue regarding the Swedes home.

It appeared to be on fire.

Smoke was billowing out from almost every window in the house, and the distinct smell of burnt _something_ lingered around it.

The Nordics dashed toward the house, promptly kicked down the door, and stood in shock at what they saw.

Sweden, donning a cliché chef's hat and apron, continued standing in front of the burning oven whilst humming to himself. He continued stirring the charred… food… that was resting in a sauce pan on the stove, never looking up to meet the looks of disbelief etched across his families faces.

"and-a… you putta the pot… on the stove? Ja, ja, that sounds right." He muttered to himself, gruff accent apparently left behind with any dignity the stuff inside the pot once had.

He moved about the Kitchen, cutting various odd shaped vegetables and adding pinches of spices here and there to the random burnt dishes scattered about on his counters, still seemingly oblivious to both the people and the large amount of blinding smoke hanging around the room.

"Hey uh… Sweden? SWEDENNNN! YO! DUDE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Denmark decided to call out to him, which was either disregarded or blocked out completely by the Swedes constant chanting of "bork bork bork."

Finland devised a plan to save both themselves from the apparently mad swede, and to save his house from any further destruction.

Sweden turned back toward the bubbling pot on the stove, and with that Iceland gave his cue.

Norway and Denmark, armed with bungee cords, pounced on the man's back and held his arms and legs together.

Finland guided them outside where they placed the struggling man in a convenient snow drift.

Iceland, with the help of sealand, went inside and cut off every appliance that held within it a dish on fire.

With a sad mumble of "bork bork" Sweden returned to his normal self as he saw his creations being dumped into the garbage can outside his house.

"Dude what the hell were you doing?" Denmark inquired.

"C'king"

Norway snorted and stated "like a fucking muppet?"

Sweden let out a begrudged "ja" as he sat with his family, sitting in the snow, stomachs grumbling, on a cold Christmas Eve.

It was still, undoubtedly, the most interesting Christmas ever.

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><p>lol that was done VERY quickly and I haven't even read over it so meh it's cute, have at it<p>

If the Norwegian food names are wrong don't blame me blame the internet ok?

Chess was originally Icelandic I believe? No research on that but I believe I heard it before

so

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

(I WILL UPDATE STROMO LATER OK GOSH)


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